The day-to-day trials and tribulations of a bi, but most likely gay man living in New York City, dealing with acceptance, relationships, coming-out and life in both the straight and gay worlds. It can be an exhausting existence with lots of challenges, frustration and even isolation. Some days I'm happy, some days I'm sad. Join me in my quest for happiness and the ultimate goal to scratch My Big Itch.
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Monday, April 26, 2010
Jess Was Worried Today. Was He Guilty About Ignoring Me Yesterday? Go Figure!
I got through today, at least so far. Jess is front and foremost on my mind. Even went to the gym, although I had a shitty workout. I decided to lay low especially after my pathetic performance yesterday of my low self esteem. I love Jess, and he knows it all too well. Are we over, I have no idea. I do know that we both have big issues, fears, hangups and confusion? Fuck yes. Anyway, I didn't call him or text him. I did enough of that yesterday. I was surprised that he sent me two texts today. Wondering how I was and letting me know that not hearing from me had gotten him worried. He even sent an email (no phone call however). I decided not to play games and at least respond letting him know I was alive and kinda well. I'm not looking for a pity party. I'm looking for happiness, success, health and of course to regain my self esteem and regain Jess in a healthy, happy way.
Here is the email he sent me last:
Are you ok? You can send me a blank email or text if you don't want to talk. I just want to know you are ok. --Jess
Then he sent this text::
Hello? Is anybody out there? I may not have taken calls but I texted you to let you know what was going on. I'm worried!
Then I responded an hour later with this text to him:
I left my phone in Jake's glove compartment this morning and was just able to get it back now. I'm sorry if I worried you. It's a rainy day, so appropriate. Trying to get past the last 48 hours.
He then wrote this text:
Hey Steve -- thanks for texting. I'm less worried now. Yes, it's a miserable day!
And that was all the communication we have had so far. It's a lot better then yesterday, but obviously, I have no idea as to what is next, if anything. I have no clue as to what he is thinking and what he wants. But then again, aside from my calling antics from yesterday, he probably has no clue as to whats on my mind today either!