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Thursday, April 22, 2010

This Guy Is Always A Grouch, And He Gets Mean Too!

Jess sent me a text late today telling me that he was going to have to work late tonight, maybe until 8:45pm.  He doesn't tell me this because we are going to see one another or hangout later tonight.  I think he tells me this because he loves to wallow in his own self induced misery.  Well, let me explain again.  As I have written on here many times before, Jess makes a really good salary.  I'm guessing that he makes over $165,000. a year plus benefits, maybe more.  He has a government job, a suit and tie gig.  He doesn't dig ditches, instead he does political policy and summary, whatever the fuck that means and I'm sure he does a lot and faces a lot of deadlines and has his fair share of pressure.  Adding to this problem is that he has a brother who lives overseas who makes big money.  Not sure but by the sound of it, possibly millions of dollars.  This brother who is younger then Jess by two years is also married and expecting twins.  Jess compares himself to him and as far as he is concerned, he harshly judges his life against where his brother is in his life.  This is bad, especially because Jess can't see how fortunate and great his life is.  He can't see all of his accomplishments.  Jess also has two other younger brothers and both don't have a pot to piss in.  From what Jess tells me, they are both great guys but they have no money, at least not yet.  Funny how Jess, can't compare himself to these two brothers instead and find some solace in his success.  Instead he gets miserable and grouchy and says mean things.  Especially to me!
So, I responded to his text message and told him that he doesn't have to call me when he's on his way home from work while in the cab.  I know he was going to be grouchy and I didn't want to deal with it tonight.  But he called anyway.  When he called, I could tell he wasn't happy and it was only going to be minutes before he was all over me with his rudeness.  I tried to be upbeat and lively and friendly.  That was probably not a good thing.  No matter how I acted he would have found fault.  He mentioned to me that he was invited to a dinner by a colleague for Friday (tomorrow) night.  I was trying to be friendly and keep the conversation going so I said, cool,  is this a party or a dinner out?  He didn't respond.  Instead, the conversation stopped and I was hearing that he was paying the taxi driver. I can see he was not happy.  When he resumed talking, I told him, Jess, go on up to your apartment and relax - you need to chill.  He said, no, I'm fine and that he was heading up in the elevator as we were speaking.  I then said, okay, what were we talking about and he said, that he told me that he was telling me that he was going to a dinner tomorrow night.  Right, I said, sounds like fun.  Where is this taking place? I asked him.  That was it, Jess hit me with his first barb of anger and responded.  Why are you asking me that?  Do you hear yourself?  Who asks questions like that?  Can you hear yourself?  Ugh, I wanted to tell him to go fuck off and then hang up the phone.  Instead, like a fucking pussy, I said, I'm sorry and didn't mean to upset you. Fuck, what a asshole I am to let him abuse me verbally whenever he wants.  Is if possible that he was thinking that I was jealous and just trying to pump him for information about what and where and who he is going to be with?  That's fucking crazy!  This happens all the time.  He quickly realized what an dick he was being and he apologized.  At that point, I didn't want to let on that I was angry, frustrated and annoyed again because of how he always gets when he gets grouchy, (which is pretty much all the time these days).  We said good night and we hung up.  I'm pissed and I deserve someone better then this and I deserve to be treated the same way I treat others, which is with respect.  He is a child who lashes out at people he knows well like me, when he gets into his dysfunctional moods.  He really needs to get some help.  I do too, because why do I continue to take allow it?  He always apologizes, but always like clockwork, he does it again and again.  He has already sent me a text (a few minutes after we hung up) and apologized and thanked me for understanding his grouchy moods.  I wrote him back say, yes I understood, but for both of our sakes, please avoid me when you are in one of these moods.  He wrote me back again and said, okay and thanks and I love you.  Oh brother, how much more of this can I take!  I'm going to relax and watch a movie.  I'm so fucking frustrated and so fucking unhappy right now.  I deserve better!

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