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Monday, May 10, 2010

I Need Some Help To Decide What To Do. Comments Please, Someone?

I need some help.  Perhaps a comment or two or three to tell me what to do.

Tomorrow is Jess's birthday.  If you have been reading my blog, you know what is going on.  I'll get to the point and the question. Jess called me and left a message on my cell telling me that his friend Ellen twisted his arm and wants to make Jess a birthday party tomorrow night at Jess's place. She is doing the work, the prep, I assume covering all the effort, the expense and the inviting.

Jess's phone message also said that it would mean the world to him if I was there but be understands if I choose not to come. He ended the message with telling me that it was my decision. I haven't spoken to Jess, except from texts and emails since I left his place yesterday afternoon. So, do I go? I really don't really want to. I think I would be uncomfortable especially since some of the people I had met from Jess will be there and I'm sure Jess has told them what is going on with he and I. Jess is open with his friends. I'm sure he has communicated it fairly and honestly and that they are sad and unhappy about it, for us, but mostly for him, their friend. Read the rest of this post after the jump, please!

Some of his work colleagues/friends will be there too. People I have never met. Perhaps Ellen will even invite Bjorn, the friend who Jess dated, liked and who moved back to Europe a year ago. He is back in NYC (read my past posts to get caught up on Bjorn by clicking the Bjorn label in the right lower margin).

Ellen sent me an email this afternoon.  Not a personal email but a blind copy email announcing Jess's birthday party at his apartment and giving the address and time.  She asked  for the courtesy of a RSVP so she knows who is coming.

So here are my question(s):
  1. I don't plan on going. Is that wrong? 
  2. Do I need to RSVP to Ellen or just ignore it? 
  3. If I RSVP then what do I say? Keep it simple and say thanks for thinking of me (shit, he is my boyfriend, or was my boyfriend or at least we kinda were boyfriends, kinda). 
  4. How fucking weird would that be if I went and Bjorn was there, perhaps even other ex's or fuck buddies?. Perhaps Ellen feels it would be okay to ask these people since Jess and I are, well, in a mess!
  5. Wouldn't it make Jess sad or uncomfortable or weirded at his own birthday party if I was there after what has happened or would it be worse if I wasn't there?
So what do I do?  Someone out there who can clue me in? Please!


naturgesetz said...

Just found your blog via Mambam.

I have skimmed some of your recent posts. So I don't know everything, but I have a general idea.

My gut reaction is that you should go because he has been important enough to you and you are still on speaking terms. I would say that you should boycott it only if you want nothing more to do with him.

To answer your questions —
1. It's not wrong if you don't think you can stand being there.
2. You should RSVP her once you have your mind made up.
3. Keep it simple: "I'llbe there. Thanks for inviting me" or "Thanks for inviting me. I'm sorry I can't make it." No deep discussion is needed or wanted.
4. I suppose it could be awkward, but if you go and they are actually there and it gets too uncomfortable for you, you can make some excuse about feeling unwell and having to leave. Next say or so you can send a message to Jess saying that you're sorry but having some of those others there just weirded you out — nothing against him personally.
5. Take him at his word that he really wants you there.

My Big Itch said...

Thanks, you are very together! I wish I could be more like that on a consistent basis.