Email From Jess, Was I Too Harsh With My Response?

Jess's birthday today. I have been going through the motions all day, doing my routine, work, gym, etc. but all I can think about is him, his birthday, not being with him, his birthday party tonight. It's rough.

I called Jess this morning at around 11:30am to wish him a Happy and Healthy! It went to voice mail, probably because I dialed it specifically to go to voice mail by calling a special number first that puts the call directly to someones cell answering device. I just didn't know what to say to him, so that's why I did that.

Haven't spoken to him on the phone since I left him crying on Sunday afternoon.  He called me back 15 minutes later, and left me a message and told me to please come to his party tonight if I could. I could, but I won't.  Then he sent me an email and in it, he wrote that he hopes I am having a "great day"! What the fuck!!!  I thought long and hard about responding back. It took me 3 hours but I finally did. I didn't want to appear angry or distraught or confrontational. I want to keep things "nice" just in case he and I can salvage things. I want respect and I need to have self respect. Click on the jump to read what he wrote and then my response.

JESS'S EMAIL TO ME

Hey Steve!! Thanks for the message. As I said on the phone, you were the first to wish me a happy birthday!

I just learned that Vivica emailed you. I gave her and Ellen your email so they could invite you to the party. Vivica told me she told you that you should come to the party. You should. She also told me that you told her to give me a hug, which she did.

I hope you are having a great day. The best gift you could give me today is for you to be happy. Well, that and come to my party.

Love,

Jess

MY RESPONSE TO JESS

Jess,  I got your email and yes, Vivica did contact me. As I told her,  I appreciated her reaching out to me very much.

Today is your birthday, it's a special day and I don't want to sound rude or angry with you so PLEASE don't think or read this email as me being so. I just want to be honest here... that's all!  

I wasn't even going to write this email - I actually started and stopped it for fear that it might annoy you.  But as I write this now, apparently writing it has won-out.

Your last email included the sentence "I hope you are having a great day".  Do you really think I could possibly have a great day? Even a good day is far from achieving for me. I've known you 9 months. There are a lot of feelings and emotions associated with you and me. Do I really even need to explain this?  I can't just move on as easily and quickly as it seems you can. 

So in response to you hoping that I have a "great day", I just had to write this.  I'm trying as hard as I can to just get through the day. I'll deal with each day as they come.  But, a "great" day? 

Happy Birthday again. Maybe for you, I can end this email with... have a great day!

Steve