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Sunday, June 13, 2010

And Now A Voice Mail Apology From Jess, As I Hoped For And Expected.

I wrote earlier today that Jess sent me an email first thing in the morning. I read it when I woke up. It was an apology email for the verbal beating Jess gave me yesterday while we were on the telephone. I never responded to his email. I didn't think I needed to. I have kissed his ass and come crawling back time after time after time after time. In his rant yesterday, he called me a pest and told me that when he is in a bad mood, I need to stop thinking about "myself" and let him be. So, I am letting him be!!

Jess called me at around 2:30pm this afternoon. I let it go to voicemail. Reason being I have no clue as to what to say, what he wants to hear and whats to come. I feel that backing off a bit and giving him room would not only be good for him but good for Jess. Possibly he will realize that I am not always going to be there and maybe, just maybe I am done with his bullshit and his issues and how he treats me. I'm not... but let him think that! :-)

His message was about 2 minutes in length. He pretty much reiterated how sorry he was for "taking it out on me" yesterday. He repeated again, how unhappy he is with his work schedule and all the stress and hours he put in last week and what he thinks will be the same for the week coming up. He said that he didn't go to Ellen's party last night because (as I probably realized) he wanted to be alone and was in no mood to be with people! uh, NO SHIT!!  He told me that all this stress that he has been going through just boiled over and he let it all unload on me (like I wrote earlier, Jess is closest with me and I get all his shit and abuse because he hides it from everyone else). He said he was thinking about me and wanted to call me and apologize again! He asked me to call him later.

My synopsis of all of this is that I am super glad that Jess called and wrote to apologize. He usually always does. It hurts and tears me apart when he acts up like this which is all the time. Over the last three weeks he has been treating me like shit almost every time we speak. I think I will pull back and  make myself a bit scarce to Jess. Maybe he will appreciate me more and not take me for granted, or maybe he will be happy and feel he is finally done. Either way, I think I need to take that chance and gain back a bit of my humility and self esteem and dignity which is just about gone, at least in my mind with regard to Jess.

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