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Monday, June 14, 2010

Jess Left Me More Voice Messages & Texts!

I wrote earlier that Jess called me this afternoon and left me a voice message apologizing for yesterdays fucked up verbal attack he gave me over the phone. I thought when I woke up this morning and saw his email apology that that was what it was going to be, just an email apology. But. he called me three additional times today, and left me another voice message tonight. He also sent me a text message earlier in the evening. I haven't responded to any of them yet. I have my reasons. 

I'm not playing games or giving Jess payback for all the shit and abuse he has dealt me. I just sincerely don't know what to do or what to say to him. I don;t want to fall right back in the pity party and tell him how much I love him and miss him. If I call him back and tell him that yesterdays whacked out blowup was okay and no harm done, then it will all begin again in a day and I'll be back to feelings of sadness and despair and anxiety when he ignores me again or treats me like shit again, or tells me he isn't in love with me again, or tells me he wants to have sex and date other men again, or tell me that I can't stay alone in his apartment anymore, or tell me that he doesn't want to see me because I don't have a purpose for seeing him, or telling me that I am a pest, or that I am whatever I am!!!!

Get my drift? I love Jess very much and don't know what the fuck to do!

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