Search This Blog

Monday, June 7, 2010

That Was Quick! I Just Got An Email From Jess!

Well, I just posted a blog this morning about 35 minutes ago wondering if I was going to hear from Jess. I just got an email from him. Yes, of course I am thrilled to hear from him but it even makes me a bit sadder. I'm not sure if any of you understand what I mean by that. I love this man so much and down deep deep deep inside of me there is something that tells me that he loves me. So I hang on, at least in my heart and in a corner of my brain. I can't completely let go knowing that in my opinion Jess still loves me. I am so confused! I am really confused.

Here is the email Jess just sent me. He still doesn't mention my birthday, he must have really forgotten. I guess this email somewhat answers the question that Jess doesn't just stay in touch with me because he pities me. At least he says that's not the reason. I don't think he would lie, at least not about that. What do you think? And if you are going to tell me that he is fucked up and has issues, well, I already know that. I will respond back to Jess's email shortly, just not sure of what to write.

Hey Steve!

How are you? I sense that you are not great. I can feel it. I wish 
that weren't the case and I wish I could do something about it, but I 
think I'm exactly the guy that shouldn't try to do something about it. 
At least, it seems like when I do things get more complicated.

I really missed you this weekend, even though you probably didn't 
think that was the case. The phone thing on Saturday was a screw up
on my part. I missed a lot of calls. But the resulting thoughts about me 
cutting you out of my life was more of your imagination than anything 
to do with reality. I've had a lot of guests lately and friends in 
town and friends leaving town and I've been busier socially than normal.

I am constantly looking around my place and seeing your touch. And I 
miss it. But things have changed and I don't know how to deal with it 
except to be a constant friend -- even when you think I am not there.

I hope you take this in the spirit it's intended. You are such a great 

Big hugs,

PS -- you are not a person I want in my life because I feel sorry for 
you. Far from it. You are a person I want in my life because you are 

No comments: