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Saturday, August 7, 2010

I Haven't Posted For A Very Long Time. I Owe My Readers An Explanation!

I haven't posted in weeks. Reason being is because I am devastated and the saddest that I can remember being in my entire life. Most days I don't feel like doing much of anything, let alone write an entry into my blog. But it wouldn't be fair to not explain what is going on.

On Wednesday evening, July 21, 2010 Jess sent me a goodbye email. He decided to cut off all communication with me and never see me or speak with me again. I am heartbroken for I have lost the greatest love of my life as well as my best friend ever. I miss him more then anything in the world. For a week, I tried many times to email and call and text him and got absolutely no response from him... at all! He has moved on. After four days I stopped calling him and I finally stopped emailing and texting him last Sunday. I have decided that if Jess every wants to speak to me again, it will not be because I am running after him with calls and texts. I have not attempted to contact him in 6 days. I have sadly decided that I will not write, call or text him again. Writing him and texting him is wrong and if he wanted to contact me he would do so without me begging and pathetically running after him. Perhaps moving on and not attempting to contact him will allow him to heal and to miss me and maybe one day he will contact me again. I pray for that day!

Today, August 7, is the one year anniversary of our meeting. We didn't make it! As I write this blog, I sit here crying and missing my best friend. I wish things could be different. I love you Jess, I love you Jess, I LOVE YOU JESS FOREVER AND MISS YOU MORE THEN YOU WILL EVER KNOW.

Here is the last email I received from Jess and the last communication I have had with him. It sounds like Jess will never, ever speak or email or communicate with me again. I hope and pray that that's not the case. Happy Anniversary Jess!  I love you!

Steve --

The last we spoke you were saying goodbye to me forever. I agreed and we said goodbye. And now not only are you dismayed that I won't return your call, but you can't understand your role in getting us to this point! How is that possible?

You are a good guy, Steve, but the two of us can't figure out how to get along. I don't think I will ever be able to give you enough and it seems that all the pain in your life right now is somehow associated with me. That isn't acceptable to me and shouldn't be acceptable to you. At this point, I think it is best that we take our good memories and go our separate ways.

I wish you all the best in school. I truly hope your dad has a speedy recovery. I'm conveying as much good karma and warm sentiments as I can. I hope you can find love and I really, truly hope -- more than anything -- that you can find happiness. The only failure in life is failure to find happiness, which we all deserve in abundance.

Take care, Steve.  Be good to yourself.


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