As I sit here and type this post, a guy I met online in one of the so-called virtual cam chat-rooms is messaging me on Skype. His name is Ryan and to be honest, he is a good looking, young guy from the west coast but not really someone I can relate too. Ryan does party drugs and he is all about getting off. I can't even really have an intelligible conversation with him. The last thing he wants is for me to preach about sobering up and getting on with his life; that's not exactly what I feel like doing as well, but sometimes I can't help myself from trying to help even if my help isn't asked for. So anyway, he's been calling me for the past few minutes on Skype. I've told him (now) I am working and can't talk and he is now telling me he is sorry for bothering me. I'm telling him he isn't bothering me and his response is that he feels like a stalker. Damn, this is sad. I don't want him to feel bad or feel down about himself. Shit, everyone has their issues and their problems. We all know I do.
I best get on with it here. I still feel lonely, and I am experiencing other issues; those of the financial sort. On top of that, my stomach is killing me and I've had a colonoscopy, endoscopy, and CT scan all in the last 10 days. To make matters work, I need to have surgery in that area (stomach). Nothing serious really, but serious enough that I am scared shitless. Will it hurt? Will I be laid up for a while? How long is the recovery process? And most important...will I be out of the gym for a long time - long enough for my body to deteriorate? Fuck, this sucks but I look around and think that this could be much worse. Or could it?
I'll be back to write more and fill in the details. Time for me to forget and clear my head; perhaps a movie.