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Thursday, May 27, 2010

I Was With Jess Again Last Night. It Was A Better Night!

I went again, yes, again to see Jess last night. I called him at 7:30pm and left him a message asking if he wanted to grab some dinner after work. I just really miss him and wanted to see him again. Tuesday night was not enough for me. It was only ninety minutes and after sending him that email when I got home, I wanted to initiate a conversation, possibly even discussing it. Jess called me back and told me that he already had eaten but he would love to see me and perhaps we can have some frozen yogurt. It was a really crazy hot day in NYC with temperatures hitting 95 or 96 degrees, and frozen yogurt on a steamy, humid, hot summery night (with Jess) sounded perfect. Click on the jump below to read more. It was a better night!

I was waiting in Jess's apartment when he got home. He sat down next to me and gave me a hug. He told me that he liked my haircut (got one that morning) and said that he always likes the way my haircuts come out. I asked him if he read my email. He said, yes. Although he said he agrees with some of what I wrote, he disagrees with other things in it. For example, he says that he has numerous times waited and hoped that I would initiate conversation to discuss certain things with him. But I never do. That night when we walked down 2nd Av. together (Friday) he said that he was hoping that I would initiate the discussion and I didn't. Okay, he is right on that. Possibly we both don't initiate when we should. He also said to me that when I was over his place on Tuesday night, he said that he wanted to help me clean up from dinner (I usually do it since I get into it and it just relaxes me to do it). He said that he told me, and yes I remember him saying it, that he wanted to help me with the dishes and that he wanted to talk with me. I think I remember telling him, to go sit down and relax. My bad, he is right, I blew off the conversation, not him.

We also talked about Oliver for the first time in quite some time. He told me that Oliver slept on the sofa for the entire five days. He said that he was not at all interested or attracted to Oliver and that Oliver never slept in his bed and they never had sex. He assured me of that and told me that he had told me that numerous times in the recent past. I don't actually remember hearing it numerous times, but he did tell me that and I did have a hard time believing it in my head. He told me that he wrote that email and called me on the phone to tell me that he felt it was weird having Oliver stay there because he was feeling weird anticipating going back to his apartment and seeing him for the first time in many months and how it was all going to work out. He said that the minute he saw him, he realized that it was all innocent and Oliver was a simply a friend staying with him and that he knew nothing at all would happen. People who told him it was "weird" or "unfair to Steve" were justified in thinking that because they didn't know (according to Jess) the innocence of it all and the total disconnect that Jess was feeling for Oliver.  He told me that is doesn't lie and of course I know that. Once thing about Jess is that he is mostly honest. He again said to me that Oliver and him are friends and that nothing at all, not even a kiss occurred. I accepted that and I accept that.

Jess did tell me again, that he loves me. He did tell me again that he is confused and he did tell me again that he has this huge issue with monogamy. He again told me that he hasn't had sex with anyone and he gets scared when he thinks of what it will do to me when he finally does. I didn't push this conversation because Jess and I have gone down this road many times before. I felt that we had discussed enough for one night. We lied down together on the sofa and I told Jess to please, please be honest with me and say whats on your mind, all the time and that I will do the same as well.  It was almost 12:30am and we both had early mornings. Jess looked at me and smiled and said, I love you, very much, now go home so I can get some sleep. Somehow, I found that comforting. We both smiled, hugged and kissed each other good night. I left. My walk to the subway was fine. I had again seen Jess for ninety minutes or so. But tonight was better. Did I mention that Jess stuffed a check in my pocket for $35.00 to cover the cost of the screens and dinner from Tuesday night. Although I hate taking his money, all things considered, it was good. It was hot and humid and Union Square was crazy packed with skateboarders and hundreds of people just sitting everywhere. It was nearly 1:00am. It was awesome. This is NYC. I love Jess!

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