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Friday, May 21, 2010

Okay, That Was Fast! I Just Got An Email From Jess! You Must Read This!

It is 11:00am and I can't help but wonder what this email from Jess means. Yes, I got an email already from Jess this morning. I read it about 30 minutes ago.

Have you ever seen one of those movies where the guy is freaking out because he feels that his next door neighbor has done something bad, possibly even killed someone? He tells this to the police, his wife, his friends and even confronts the neighbor himself. but to no avail. They all think he is fucking crazy. They even talk behind his back about how much he needs professional help and medication, even an intervention. No one believes him and the guy himself falls deeper and deeper into depression, even starting to believe that possible he himself is indeed, crazy!

Well, this mornings email from Jess reminds me of that in the way that I finally get my redemption. I am the guy in the movie who is going nuts because no one believes what I am saying. They all treat me as if I am the loony one, especially Jess. My thoughts all along were that what Jess was doing (with Oliver) is wrong. But, although I expressed that to him many times over a week ago, he blew me off and continued on with his plan to host Oliver as if nothing was wrong and as if I was crazy, inappropriate and emotional. I'm not saying that this email means that Jess wants me back and loves me and realizes that he has fucked me over big time and wants to make it up to me. I am saying that this email shows me that Jess has finally gotten smart on the Oliver thing. Perhaps someone has spoken to him and wised him up or maybe he slept with Oliver last night and it wasn't good at all. I have no idea. Click on the jump below to read what Jess wrote me this morning. It's definitely something you don't want to miss!

I am still confused and nothing has changed really in my mind. This was just an email and they mean nothing as far as past emails from Jess have proven. Oliver is still going to be here with him three more nights and four more days. Anything can happen.  And also, this doesn't change the fact that Jess is so confused and conflicted. Remember, he has been telling me that he wants to just be my friend, and that he needs to be with others physically and date others? This is so fucking crazy. If I keep talking about this now, I'm going to ruin this moment of temporary false happiness. So let me shut up!

Hey, one last thing. Do I respond to Jess's email. I have no idea as to what to say. Lately, I haven't mentioned or commented at all about Jess and I or Oliver and any of the shit we have been going through. I've tried to remain above it and possibly give Jess the idea that I am moving on and doing whats best for me now,  not whats best for Jess, finally!

So, that being said, do I write or text him back? What should I say or shouldn't say? Help!! Thanks!!

Here is Jess email that he sent me this morning:

Hey Steveeeee --

How are you? Feeling better today? I got a good night sleep last  
night, which I needed. It was fun to see Oliver last night, but I am  
finally understanding what you mean when you were telling me that it  
is weird for him to be staying at my place. I have no interest in him  
physically -- that chapter is over, as I told you before -- but I know  
what you mean about it being a little weird. We will have fun hanging  
out and I would still like you to meet him, but I can totally  
understand if you think that is weird, too. If you haven't figured it  
out yet, I am weird.

Anyway, I just wanted to send a note to check in with you. It is  
another incredible day outside and I think I can actually finish my  
review today!

Big hug,



Anonymous said...

steve this all seems so typical......... he's acting like he's in highschool.......... it's absolutely not weird....... he's regretting what he's done to you but can't quite apologize...
he's just not ready for a committed relationship........ which means he'd have to put your feelings above his own.... and certainly his ex oliver. Jess is a self centered child if he couldn't see how your feelings may be hurt by his having Oliver over a week after telling you he wants sex with other men. Real relationships take work, if he is unable or unwilling to see things from your perspective (even if he disagrees), then I know a guy in CA who is ready willing and able.
xoxo Joel
ps after Oliver leaves, what will be the next straw? Without some serious therapy, I think Jess's behavior will cause another problem in the future..... He's acknowledged that he's fucked up ie wierd...... but is he willing to fic what's wrong?

SteveA said...

I think he has mixed emotions - he loves you = he hates you - he wants to be with you - he needs times alone - he wants you - he wants you to leave etc...

He might be trying to reach out by saying "please bear with me".....nothing is wrong with that, we all err....but he would fall back into these mods and make you crazy....YOU KNOW BEST THOUGH.....

By all means - e-mail him back!