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Friday, May 21, 2010

I Made It Through The Night, At Least The First Night!

Good morning. It's 9:35am now and apparently I survived the night. I finally got out of bed at around 7:45am. It wasn't a good night sleep. I woke every hour on the hour. Sometimes there were periods where I woke and thought that an hour went by but it had only been ten or fifteen minutes.
Each time I woke, my eyes opened and I lay there thinking if Jess and Oliver are asleep or did one of them wake up and initiate "middle of the night" sex. I thought, was it occurring right now? Or I was thinking, is Jess on the right side of the bed as he usually is and Oliver is cuddling him, holding him, spooning him? Jess loves to snuggle. Was he loving that Oliver was there or was he resenting it and feeling all sorts of "weird and wrong"? Fat chance I'm sure that that's what was happening. Maybe Oliver is sleeping on the sofa? I doubt that too!

So,was I all alone and wide awake in my bed as Jess and Oliver were sound asleep, with arms and legs wrapped around one another? I had to stop thinking about that and get back to sleep. It was difficult to do so but I managed, to at least get some sort of sleep. Read more after the jump.

This may sound ignorant, but I got a boost or at least some sort of solace last night when Jess called me on the telephone (10:45pm) and told me that he felt "weird" about going back home to his apartment (after his dinner with a colleague) where he knew Oliver was waiting for him. Not sure why, but that helped me just a teeny bit.

Alright, need to get going with my day. It's going to be a tough one I'm sure but I need to get through it. I need to get through a lot. I'll keep you all posted. Do you think Jess will keep up his typical emails and texts as he has daily since this all began or is he on hiatus with that now because Oliver is here?

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