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Sunday, May 23, 2010

Saturday Was Uneventful, But There Was A Good Reason Why!

After writing yesterdays (Saturday) long winded blog, I took the rest of the day off. Another reason why might be because nothing really happened. The word "uneventful" comes to my mind.
I didn't hear from Jess all day. I wondered if perhaps he was in Brooklyn all day with his friend Ellen, who was going to be running a mini marathon in the morning. I knew Jess was planning on going to see her as she crossed the finish line. Or, I thought, maybe Jess was at his office working all day, he mentioned during dinner on Friday night that he might have to go in. What I really thought was that maybe he was hanging out all day with Oliver. Being Saturday, I rationalized that he and Oliver had time to finally spend the day together. In my mind, I still think that Jess and Oliver are having sex, at least one way or another and since Oliver is his "house-guest" this long weekend, a little bit of sex and quality time can't be that hard to imagine.

The only other thing that went through my head, and it actually crossed my mind quite often was that Jess wasn't texting, emailing or calling me Saturday, because after seeing me Friday night, (together with having Oliver at his apartment all weekend) something in his mind clicked and either "turned him off" to me or even cleared up any confusion as to whether or not he was still attracted to me.  Dumb huh? Well for any of you who have been through this sort of situation, (and I'm sure many of you have) you can relate to my illogical way of thinking during these times of stress, sadness and, dare I say, heartache! Click on the jump below to read more.

I wasn't going to text or email or call Jess. Like I have been saying all along. I need to be stoic and strong and not give Jess the impression that I am falling apart. It's not a game that I am playing, but instead, it is a way of preserving my dignity and self-esteem and most important, it is the healthiest way for me to be. I'm sure I don't need to explain what I mean by "healthiest".

Jess finally did call me and left me a message on my cell at around 7:00pm. All my speculation for nothing, but isn't that how it always is? Jess said he was sick as a dog, home all day, in bed. He said he had a fever and was worried as to whether he will even get to work on Monday. He mentioned nothing about Oliver. Perhaps Oliver was there, in bed with him and uh, taking his temperature. I doubt that but couldn't resist the dark humor. Jess and I exchanged quite a few text messages until around 9:50pm. Mostly about him being sick etc. I also commiserated and told him that I feeling under the weather as well. He wrote back a funny text and said that although it is bad for him to say this, he feels better knowing that he and I are sick at the same time and that he wasn't alone, sick, without me.  Uh, okay. Weird but I get it.  Anyway, hasn't the main theme these last few days been (in Jess's words) that he was "weird"? We didn't discuss anything else!

This morning (Sunday) I heard from Jess again, in a text. He said he had just woken up at 11:00am and feels somewhat better but is dizzy from not eating much the past 24 hours. He asked me how I was feeling. I still haven't responded yet. I'm sure I will, and soon.

That's whats going on with regard to Jess. I guess you could call it a whole lot of nothing, but considering the circumstances and recent event's, a whole lot of nothing is very, very good. I love Jess!

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