Search This Blog

Monday, June 7, 2010

Day After My Birthday

Well, its Monday morning. I survived my birthday, sorta. It was really not a good day but I tried to keep busy.

Jess called me in the morning at around 11:45am but not to wish me a Happy Birthday. I'm sure he forgot, or maybe he didn't forget but just didn't want to mention it to me. I was in the shower when he called and he left me a message telling me that he was "checking in" with me. He also mentioned again in his message that (he sent a text on Saturday evening about this) he was sorry that he didn't return any of my calls on Saturday but he was busy with friends all day and didn't have his phone with him. When he finally got to his phone and saw all the times I had called he sent me a text.

Anyway, his message also mentioned that he was on his way to get a hair cut, and that's about it. When I got out of the shower I listened to his voice message (at least 4 times, mostly to hear his voice) and responded back, but not with a phone call (I had done that way too many times on Saturday) and sent him a text telling him to get his hair cut short, since he always looks good that way. I also said to have a nice a nice day.

It was killing me inside because I wanted to see him so bad, especially being my birthday. But, it is clear that he does not want to see me.  I sent the text and got a text response back, saying thanks and wishing me a good day as well. Weird, sad and left me feeling like I always do.

Last night, I spent some time with Mary, you all know who she is by now. She remembered my birthday and treated me to a Coffee Frappuccino at Starbucks. We spoke, mostly about Jess and she was also surprised that Jess forgot my birthday. She says she is really sad that all this has happened and she feels that Jess has a lot of problems and issues. She thinks and hopes that one day he will realize the mistake he is making and regret what he has done. I asked her not to call or text Jess today to remind him about my birthday. My explanation was to just leave him alone and not hassle him about that. If he forgot, well then he forgot. If he didn't forget and just doesn't want to acknowledge me on this day then so be it.

Mary still scratches her head and wonders "what the fuck is he still calling you for then!"  I wonder too. I really do. Someone who hates someone as much as he hates me shouldn't still want to call and "check in". She feels that Jess still loves me but is having such trouble figuring out what he wants.

I still can't believe that Jess forgot my birthday. But, through it all, I am still missing Jess and wondering why he hates me so much.

I read all the comments posted on my blog. Thanks to all of you who sent nice birthday greetings. I really appreciated it.
Jess and me in happier times. I miss holding him, I miss his touch, his smell, his eyes, his kiss, the way he always stood barefoot on my feet when we started kissing. He was so full of love and warmth and emotion.
What happened to all that? Where did it all go?

No comments: