As far as Jess goes, I have been noticing a lighter and friendlier Jess the last few days. He called me last night at around 9:00pm as he was leaving work. He called to say hello. But we ended up speaking for over an hour. This time we spoke about issues and things going on in my life that were bothering me. Things like work, direction of where I am headed, moving to a new place, etc. He was pretty understanding and tried to talk me down off the building. We touched on the Jess and Steve issue as well, but only for a few minutes. I keep falling off the wagon and bring up missing him and missing the way it was with him. I hate when I do that! I even told him that I hate when I do that and I wish I could move forward like he has. I tried not to talk to much about that. Still not a good topic for either me or him to really discuss.
I hope this isn't just the calm before the storm with Jess. Anyway, he keeps telling me how he is such a "good friend" to me. Uh, okay, I'm glad that he says that but fuck, after the way he has acted the last three or four weeks, I was highly doubting that. But, Jess has his own issues too. Him thinking that he and I are still good friends, well that makes me feel somewhat better.
He wrote me an email this morning and suggested that He comes over this weekend and helps me fix up some of the things that need fixing in my place. Things like painting, etc. For some reason I am not motivated to paint my place, even just one room, but how can I say no to Jess, since saying yes will insure that I see him. I really love being with him and seeing him. To be honest, I am so sad from missing tearing each others clothes off and lying in each others arms naked, kissing and making love. I miss that!
I will keep you all posted. Pretty sure the sex and the kissing isn't going to happen anytime soon. Maybe never.
No comments:
Post a Comment