Finally, A Nice Evening Spent With Jess!

Yesterday (Tuesday 06.15.10) was an interesting day. I should begin by telling you all that I had listed a set of four wooded Design Within Reach Chairs for sale that belonged to Jess on Craig's List. I originally listed this for him (because I can sell anything and am pretty good at it) a few months ago and every week or so I delete the ad and re-list it so it appears at the top of the entries. I actually re-listed the ad on Monday night after my phone conversation with Jess. Yesterday I finally got an email from a woman who wanted to buy the chairs and she was totally interested and content with the $200.00 cash price.

I emailed Jess in the late morning and told him that the woman wants to buy his chairs. He responded, "cool, lets sell them". I emailed the lady back and we set last night at 7:00pm at Jess's apartment for the sale and exchange. Jess was going to be at work till late as always so I asked him if he had any objections to me going to his place, and getting the chairs ready for her and doing the sale for him on his behalf. I really didn't mind doing that and of course it gave me an opportunity to do something nice (again) for Jess and to also have a good day with him instead of a bad day. Jess totally was thrilled and told me "of course, you don't need to ever ask me about going to my apartment" huh, what the fuck? Is this the same guy who didn't want me in his apartment alone last week when he was in his "mood"?

Nonetheless, it all went down smooth as glass (see pic of the chairs as I was wheeling them down to the lobby for the woman to purchase and pick up). The lady was thrilled with her chairs, and Jess was thrilled with his $200.00 windfall and I was well, thrilled to see Jess (especially when he is happy).

I waited on Jess's spectacular roof deck for him to get home. I love it up there (see pic of me sitting with my feet up on the deck railing). I was super excited to see him. Click on the jump below to read more about this.

He got home from work at around 8:00pm (early) and he told me that he wanted to take me to dinner. I mentioned that if he was doing that as payback for me selling the chairs, then it was totally unnecessary. "No", he said! "I want to do this and you have done so much for me for so long, lets go to a nice dinner"! So we did and we headed out.

It was a beautiful night. Jess was happy and in a great mood (perhaps from being out of work early and the $200.00 cash didn't hurt). I was happy too, I was with Jess. I couldn't stop looking at him. He was absolutely beautiful! He face was, well perfect! All I could think about was how much I love him. I can't believe after more then ten months knowing him and after all the shit we have been through and especially after all the garbage he has done and said to me, that I should still be so fucking infatuated and in love with this guy. I was... and I still am.

We went to a really cool Japanese restaurant in the East Village called Robataya. It was awesome! It was like being in Tokyo! The place was totally upscale and so authentic. Jess speaks fluent Japanese (among other languages as well). The waitstaff spoke with him him Japanese, and he ordered many different things for us, all in Japanese. I was so fucking impressed. I actually even felt a bit insecure sitting there as Jess spoke so fluently and knew the culture so well and even handled his chopsticks as a native. I on the other hand speak only basic conversational Spanish and consider myself as a total spazz with chopsticks.

I began to think that Jess was way too good for me and that perhaps Jess no longer being in love with me and wanting to date me was something I should have expected. I see him more with another guy dressed in an expensive suit, world traveled, highly educated and highly paid, and who also is multi-lingual. I began to realize that my insecurities were kicking in. I needed to put a stop to that immediately! And I did, luckily I was able to!

The evening was wonderful. We had a great time. It was a food sampling extravaganza! Jess was totally concerned that I had enough to eat and constantly making sure that I was okay and enjoying what we ordered! I was! It was perfect. Jess was perfect! It was the happiest I have been with Jess in months. Fuck, I didn't want that night to end!

As we walked home, we kept it very friendly. You would never know that Jess and I were boyfriends in love at one time. He keeps his emotions very tightly wrapped  inside. I felt it was not the place to discuss anything that might bring the mood down. As far as I was concerned, we were two friends out for a nice evening.

The streets were crowded as it was a beautiful night. Guys, sexy guys were everywhere. I noticed that Jess was looking at everyone. He definitely had a roaming eye. Maybe I am just super sensitive to that but I did notice Jess looking at every hot guy! I guess I did too. At one point I even asked him "so, how is the dating scene going for you?" His response was a laugh, and he said, "what dating scene? I have had no time to date! I've been with no one!" He then turned and looked at me and asked "And how about you? How is dating going for you?" My response was simple and quick. All I said was "I'm not dating anyone right now." It got quiet for a minute and we kept walking, changed the subject and continued on our way back to Jess's place.

We got to his place and I hung out for maybe 45 minutes. We had some ice cream (yes the Ben & Jerry's that I got Jess last week) and listened to some music. But soon it was time to go. We said goodnight. I extended my hand to give him a warm handshake and Jess smiled and said "whats that?" So instead, we hugged for a minute. It was nice, but was also very sad for me. I left and headed home. As I walked home, of course thinking about the night and about Jess, I received a text from him. It said:

"Hey--I know you don't love these texts, but I had a great time hanging out. It was
really fun to see you. And thanks for your help on everything! Big hug! (or handshake, since
you love those...:-))"

I miss Jess, and love him so very much. Last night was nice. I'll take what I can get.