This Is Me!

We all know that I'm having a rough time, and we all know that Jess is the love of my life, but in the last month or so, it's quite obvious that Jess has let me know that I'm not the one he wants right now. But yet, I still fight for him and wait and stick by him. Of course, all his texts and calls and emails, both good and bad kind of keep me in the mix without fully healing and moving on. It's almost as if Jess is giving me a choice, to go or stay and he seems to let me go and then reels me back in. Its torture for me, especially since I love him so much. 

I guess I don't need to tell you all that lately I am very lonely and feel unattractive. I guess Jess and all the shit that has been swirling around lately between us makes me feel that way. Last night when I was with Mary (after that horrible Jess telephone conversation), Mary snapped a few pics of me (you can see that I have on the same watch that I was wearing when I was on the boat with Jess in the picture with Jess a few posts earlier). I guess I hammed it up a bit, but anyway this is me. Why am I posting this stupid ass picture -- maybe because I was hoping that someone out there might find it nice, or sexy or even hot. I guess, being so down on myself is making me feel like I need a compliment. Indulge me, and I apologize if this is tacky!!  

I miss Jess and love him more then you can possibly imagine.