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Friday, July 9, 2010

Jess Tells Me That He Misses Me! Woo Hoo!!

Here is an update on Jess.  Things are pretty much moving along as they have been. Am I still crazy in love with him? Fuck yes! Am I still hoping that Jess and I can make this work? Fuck yes!  Do I still think about Jess everyday and even every part of everyday? Fuck yes! Do I have fantasy's about holding him in my arms again and kissing him as he steps on both my feet and we tell the other how much we love each other? Fuck yes! Can I close my eyes and remember his amazing smell and the feel of his skin and hair? Fuck yes! Do I honestly believe all this? Fuck yes!

Jess and I speak every day. Well, we don't speak actually, we write. It is what Jess suggested to me that we do, almost two weeks ago. I feel that Jess is and has been teaching me a lesson. Even though I still feel that all this shit between us came about because of him and his inability to deal with love and getting close to someone and my subsequent inability to deal with someone who has problems dealing with such. Jess has a rigid personality.  He is different from me. I would forgive almost anyone immediately for almost anything provided that they were sincere and remorseful over what they may have done to or against me. Jess is an animal of a different color. I accept that. I can't push him to speed things up and be the way I want him to be. He needs to do things at his own pace. It may seem like "forever" to me since the night that I freaked out in Jess's apartment but it is pretty close to only 3 weeks, maybe a little more.

Jess writes me a long email everyday. Sometimes he calls and we speak on the phone and sometimes he texts. Last night, I was writing him my "daily update" as I call it. But for the first time, he never responded.  I went to bed sad thinking that it was the first time and first day that Jess didn't contact me, write me, nothing. But during the night, I woke up and for some reason (I know the reason - I had Jess on my mind and couldn't stop thinking about how he didn't write) I got out of bed and checked my email on my iPhone! Fuck yes! There it was, my email from my Jess! It came at around 1:20am and it was a really nice email. I know that he has been working really late every night on an important document at work that was pretty close to being completed and submitted. He apologized and said that he was working late AGAIN but that he was excited to see light at the end of the tunnel as his project (document) at work was completed and submitted by his committee earlier that night.
He went on to discuss what I had written him earlier and discuss things that were going on with him. But most important was that Jess (who lately has avoided telling me anything that might be construed as "soft" or "emotional" said something to me that made me smile and made me very happy. He said that he MISSED ME. Wow, hearing that from the tough and hard line Jess was amazing and gives me hope that things he may be softening if he is able to now say that to me again. I always knew in my heart that he feels this way but hearing or seeing him finally write it to me again... well thats something special for me. I hope that I too can see light at the end of my tunnel and be able to move forward with Jess by seeing him, becoming better friends, loving him and being with him again.

So the moral of this blog entry is this:

If there is anyone in your life who you care about (as I know Jess cares about me) and if you hardly ever or perhaps never tell them how important they are and how much you care or love them, then make their day!  Tell them! You may not even realize how important this may be for them to hear. So, tell your boyfriend, girlfriend, mom, dad, best friend, wife or husband or anyone who you value today! It will be something that will make someone so very, very happy!

I love you Jess forever! You are the most perfect person in the world for me - regardless of what anyone may think! Can't wait to be with you again!

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