- I told him nicely on Friday night that I was moving on and no longer going to keep in touch with him, unless he reached out to me. Which he did and he did for two nights in a row without any response from me. I do want to make my point with him that I won't allow myself to be used as a doormat anymore, but I also don't want to push him away. Lets not forget that I love him more then anything... I just don't want to be his fool or someone he feels he can manipulate. That aspect is over!
- Early this morning I wrote him a two sentence email thanking him for his emails from the last few days. I decided that wasn't enough unless I want to give Jess the idea that I am done, for good! Truth is I am done for good with being a fucking fool, but if Jess can gain and maintain the respect that I deserve then I am not going to play games and/or hard to get. It's simple, respect me as I respect you and we can be friends and/or see where that takes us.
- The email I wrote him tonight was long -- yes I agree. But if you read it carefully, it still stands firm on what I expect and how I feel about things without being rude, abrasive or even finger pointing.
Click on the Jump below to read the email I sent to Jess tonight:
Regards from NY. I am sitting here in Barnes & Noble, Union Square, writing my first essay for my first class assignment. I must say that I am having a bit of trouble. I am trying to just let my thoughts come out but sometimes I find that what I am writing is not quite in the "format" of the essay she wants which is supposed to reflect the English composition definition of a traditional essay! I've been here two hours so far and have my first draft approximately 85% done. I may leave it as is for now and come back to it tomorrow! Brain fried!!
I was quite surprised to get your email on Saturday night and even more surprised to get your email last night. I didn't expect to hear from you, especially after my voice message and email I sent late Friday night! I needed to be honest, regardless of what the outcome was... I had to let you know what was on my mind. I may be wrong, but receiving your two emails (albeit short) said a lot to me. I may be reading more into them then perhaps I should, but they definitely let me know that you aren't ready yet to walk away from me or have me walk away from you. (Ha, I could be wrong... It wouldn't be the first time when I've been wrong about something).
I am feeling good these days. I am feeling confident and although my life is far from perfect, I feel I have my engine on the right track. I just need to keep the faith, work hard but most of all respect myself and I believe that I can get my train down that track successfully!
Until recently, I have been so preoccupied with who was on that train with me that I lost site of where I was heading! I would love nothing more then to have those important in my life aboard the train with me, should they feel they are up for the trip (re: being my friend). If not, I'd rather kiss them goodbye, wish them good look and leave them at the station as my train pulls out!
No one ever has to be with anyone who they don't want to be with. Friendship is way to important and much to valuable to be in it half hearted! Life is too short and has too many other options to accept that.
Anyway, enough of that! ;-)
You are probably very surprised to get this email tonight. Surprises are a good thing, they keep us smiling, they keep us interested in life, they keep us from getting to cynical and they even keep us young, or perhaps young at heart!
Believe this or not, but I am very happy that you are happy at home with your family.You have a fantastic family! That above all is uplifting!! Reconnecting with those that love you unconditionally is amazing! Enjoy them and most important, have a blast as they enjoy YOU! From the pictures I have seen, it is beautiful, and serene and calm out there! Ha-ha exactly like where I am right now, sitting 2 floors up looking down on Union Square. Both places have their advantages! It's not necessarily where you are but who you are with! ENJOY!!!!
I hope by now you have gotten the chance to see your brother Dave! As well as Alice and your beautiful niece, and your brother Pete! I smile inside when I think of the beautiful H----- Family all together (except for Mark). Please send my warmest regards to your amazing Mom and Dad, as well as to any of the others who I may have spoken with (Alice). I feel as if I somewhat know then all!
Okay, well that's going to be it for this email. By the way, I no longer want to call my emails to you DMHU or even Updates. Instead, they are OFTA emails. "One Friend To Another"... plain and simple.
I hope you didn't find this email too direct! It's how I feel! If you decide to write back, well that would be a really good thing!
Enjoy! Be Safe! Re- Energize! Re- Vitalize! Cut Loose! But most important.... have a wonderful and happy time!
... and don't worry, I'm taking care of NYC! Everything here is under control, super hot (90's plus and super humid), but we are all seeming to manage okay while you are gone! :-)
Hey, not a bad email for being totally written on my iPhone! Where there's a will, there's a way!
Hugs All Around,