Oh, And Here's What Happened With Scott.

It took me over an hour to get all the way to Scott's house in New Jersey. I thought that when I got there we would hang out on his deck like we did last summer, drink a few beers and bullshit for a while. After all, he has been trying to get me to come over for almost a year. I never wanted to because I was with Jess and totally happy. The recent events with Jess and I led me to believe that even though I didn't want to be with anyone else right now (I compare everyone to Jess and no one comes close. Besides, I feel guilty still about being with anyone else and to tell you the truth, I have a hard time getting Jess out of my head) that it might be alright to see Scott and if something were to happen, then it wouldn't be so bad since I had already met and known him. Stupid logic right? Click on the jump below to read about the shocking surprise that happens later. Is there no end to all this bullshit!!

As soon as I got there (around 9:15pm), Scott was waiting for me by his front door. Uh, anxious much? I was in the house for no more then fifteen minutes when he said, "hey, lets go upstairs". Oh brother, here I go. Only reason why I wasn't out the door was because I always liked Scott and had a great time with him when we met a last year (July 4th 2009). I've been lonely and feeling that some attention would do me good.

Okay, so we played. Nothing heavy, nothing involved, nothing crazy. I probably would have enjoyed myself had I been able to get Jess off my mind. I kept telling myself that I am sure that Jess was doing the same thing with others so I might as well too. I wasn't really into it at all. Especially wasn't when the phone rang and Scott told me that he had to answer it. He took the call in the other room as I lay there on his flowery bed thinking, "what the fuck am I doing here". I looked around the room and I could swear that there were feminine touches everywhere. Then I saw a photograph on the dresser of him and a woman. Oh fuck, is he married?? He is one of those, I think.

When he came back to the room and was done with his call I asked him. "Scott, are you married". He hesitated and after a stammer or two he said, "yes". I asked why didn't you tell me? I had so many questions! But Scott clearly didn't want to discuss it. Scott is a married man on the down low with a wife and two kids! Oh fuck! Just what I don't need.

Shit! I was totally shocked but didn't want to ask a lot of questions since he and I only met that once a year ago. I just wanted to be done and be gone. And in fifteen minutes we were done and we lay there together on the bed talking about his new job, endlessly. All I could think about was that this dude is married! Trust me when I tell you that I really did not think or plan or want anything to happen with regards to a dating situation with Scott and I. But married, thats a whole other thing! He kept talking about his new job and  I never asked him another thing about his wife and kids, etc. I didn't want to know any more! I just wanted to go.

Which I did. I said thanks and he said, lets keep in touch and I said sure thing. Then I was gone. All I could think about was that I missed Jess. I am so sorry Jess!  I love you!