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Sunday, July 11, 2010

What The Fuck! Jess Wrote Me An Email Tonight As If He Never Heard My Voice Message Or Got My "Goodbye Email" Last Night!

I talked to a friend Al tonight. He told me pretty clearly that what Jess has been doing to me these last weeks and even months is plain and simple...ABUSIVE! He told me that although I love him, Jess is fucking nuts! No one treats someone as he has treated you, my friend told me. Al also told me that Jess knows that he can call the shots and tell me what to do and when to do it because he knows that I won't stand up to him. My friend told me that I have been a fucking doormat! And that Jess knows I am a doormat and feels he can continue to treat me like shit and I will take it.

Well, not any more! I wrote in my blog that last night, I left Jess a voice message telling him that I had enough and that I was done writing email updates for him and done with being allowed only one email response from him per day and done not being able to see him or call him or text him and done with being a total doormat with no self esteem to move on when someone obviously is treating me so badly. I didn't actually say all that in the voice message verbatim but I made it clear that I was done with the treatment that I was getting and that I was moving on. I also sent him and email (which I put on my blog in the last entry for you all to read) where I nicely said that I loved him but I was moving on... I had enough.

My friend (Al) told me that I finally did the right thing. It will make Jess think perhaps. Jess is home in the quiet and simple Midwest and staying in his Mom and Dad's house and awaiting his brothers and sister for a big family reunion. I hope he thinks about the way he has treated me and realized that he is not only abusive but rude, immature and arrogant. (I decided to leave out the words fucked up and sick in the head).

That being said, of course I'm sad that its all over. I know that Jess most likely won't ever reach out to me. Or do I?

Guess who wrote me tonight? That's right... Jess!!!!! And he wrote me as if nothing had happened and as if he didn't get my email or voice mail (which I know he did). I mean, he sent me an email tonight from the same account that I sent the email to last night. Okay, so am I going to respond to his email tonight? NO FUCKING WAY. I am not playing games but I will respond when and if Jess ever writes to tell me that he is sorry for how he has treated me and lets me believe that things will change for the better. Do I need him to tell me he loves me and wants me back as his boyfriend? No and I'm sure that he will never say that, I just want equal respect and to be treated the same way I treat him (except for my bad when I lost my temper :-).

Stay tuned. I'm sure this isn't quite over yet!

Here is the email Jess sent me tonight. It's not what it says that is so interesting. Its that he wrote me after I told him that I was moving on. Take a look below and let me know what you think! Click on the Jump below to read the email that Jess sent me tonight at 11:46 pm (10:46 pm CT).

Hey Steve!

No Daily Update Email??

I'm at home and it's so great.  It's slow -- really slow.  My parents and I went to Lowe's for fun.  Turns out my dad has a conference he's going to tomorrow.  My sister and brother are staying in her place and my other brother will stay in Washington.  My "Europe" brother will be here tomorrow -- we think.  My mom and I might go to my sisters for a few days this week.  A road trip would be great.

I have the window open.  There is a warm breeze that smells so green.  All I can hear is the wind in the trees and a very occasional car going by.  It's great.

I'm in bed and practically falling to sleep.  It's so quiet!

Big hug,

1 comment:

drew said...

Steve, I was out this weekend and just saw your posts. I am proud of you for doing this. I am happy your friend, Al, got through to you. I guess Jess is sending this to see if you are bluffing. I know you are/have been in love with him, but I don't have much respect for Jess.. Good luck. I know it is tough but remember the quote I posted earlier!!