Raunchy, Dark, Dirty, Gay Dives (Bars) Are Fun!

Been feeling really blue (for lack of a better word) the past few days. Actually, I am always down and blue and feeling bad. The loss of Jess and the constant ache from missing him is at times, more than I can handle. But, lately, since cutting off Mary, I have been on the fence with "do I call her or do I not call her?" As of yet (it's been 11 days) I have kept away and had no contact with her. So, I have been doing something that I have never in my life done, at least not on a regular basis. In the last few months, I have been going to a really cool, upscale, gay sports bar here in NYC. The place is top notch. No go-go boys, no sleaze, just a huge, clean, nice place to hang out, watch some sports, get a drink, (not a drinker really either) and look at men. I try to go once a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. I have gotten friendly with a cute guy (almost a boy) mid to late twenties guy, who works there doing something at the bar. Maybe he's a bar-back but he's most likely a bartender who doesn't bartend. It's cool knowing him because whenever I go there, he gives me a big hug and kiss and walks back to see me numerous times while I'm there. It makes me feel good. So do the other guys who say hello, smile and come over to say hi. I like the attention - especially since I am always low and sad and comparing everyone and everything to Jess. Anyway, I have also met a few nice people, some of which I keep in contact with. They text me and mostly ask me if I want to meet them at that bar. Feels good, I guess. One of the guys introduced me to a friend of his. He and I have talked a lot. (Read all about it and more, after the JUMP)
We met up last weekend for a bike ride (his bikes) through Central Park, and then for some fun, kinda inhibited sex, yes I said inhibited, but when I first meet someone, thats how I like it. Sort of get into it slowly and surely. It was great. I like safe and I like moving slow and he helps me (without knowing it) put my thoughts of Jess into a place, just a bit further away from my "every moment thought process." Even if it helps just a little bit, I'll take it. I'll talk more about him in another post. The point I wanted to make today is that last week, I decided to make a slight change from the elegant, classy sports bar. I went into a dirty, dingy, sleazy, dark, tacky bar on the west side of town. I think the place has been there since the 70's. Trust me when I say it is a dive! Believe it or not, I like it, I like it alot! When I go there, I can be, well, the real me! I've been there twice so far and each time I go, I meet so many guys (albeit, most of dirty, sex-crazed pigs who normally wouldn't be the kind of guys that I would even consider for friends or partners) but I enjoy it. I can be, even if for a few hours, someone I normally am not used to being - a cocky but nice, self assured, gay horn dog! There are two or three go-go boys who dance on small platforms in the middle of the small dark room or on the bar. They are also, not the kinds of guys that I could see myself with, but for Christ'.s sake, they are go-go boys. . . with big hard muscle bodies that scream "suck my cock" or ""let me fuck you like you've never been fucked." Their cocks are thick and huge, I mean huge thick and huge. They do have to wear nets (fish-net jocks) over their cocks because of state laws but trust me you see it all, especially since they flip the net down every minute or so. These guys have to be on Viagra because they are always hard or with an 80% semi. I love it! Of course they want your dollars but, BUT, they are friendly, they come over and smile and ask your name and touch and hug you. I like that. Sure, I will occasionally hand them a buck or two but I am not and never have been the kind of guy to participate in the whole tipping, touching, lap-dance scene. I'm not one to fawn over go-go dancers, male or female. So, I sit back and look and smile and they smile back and look back. Whatever the reason, that totally works for me! I guess it sets me off as being different from the other patrons in the joint. Plus the guys there are so friendly! Each time I have gone there, I tell myself that I will stay for 45 minutes. I end up staying for hours! I love the attention and the sleazy gay atmosphere and the dancing, hung hunks! I think I will continue to go here. I don't expect to meet anyone significant here but thats fine with me. Bottom (no pun intended) while I am there, I feel good and most importantly, I get to not fixate on just Jess for a bit of time. That's got to be a good thing, no?