Today was an awful Monday. I was bored out of my mind. Nothing seemed to be terribly wrong but the ho-hum dull routine of it all with nothing new and exciting on the horizon for me just pushed me into feeling, well... down! I have to stop myself on days like today from thinking to much about Jess. I know that my down mood will make thoughts of Jess extra hard to deal with. I actually made it to the gym but other then that and work, I think I will just stay in tonight and clean my place a bit and maybe watch a movie. I haven't heard from Ekrem since our evening together on Saturday. I saw Marco #1 yesterday after the parade for about 40 minutes. He was actually annoying. He has also been depressed lately and it effects his attitude. I don't feel like going into it all right now but I don't feel like taking his shit and dealing with his issues when I have my own. "Selfish of me," you say? Well, no one gives a shit about me when I'm down and sad and especially when it comes to Jess-no one wants to hear a thing about him. So, I don't feel like faking the Mother Theresa act these days. Let him work at pushing his depression under control when he is out just like I am forced to do. I better go eat. I think I sound really crabby. I just want someone in my life to love. I want to know that there is someone out there who needs me and also who I love and need back. I'll be back later after the movie.
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