The day-to-day trials and tribulations of a bi, but most likely gay man living in New York City, dealing with acceptance, relationships, coming-out and life in both the straight and gay worlds. It can be an exhausting existence with lots of challenges, frustration and even isolation. Some days I'm happy, some days I'm sad. Join me in my quest for happiness and the ultimate goal to scratch My Big Itch.
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Monday, June 27, 2011
Today Was A Shit Monday!
Today was an awful Monday. I was bored out of my mind. Nothing seemed to be terribly wrong but the ho-hum dull routine of it all with nothing new and exciting on the horizon for me just pushed me into feeling, well... down! I have to stop myself on days like today from thinking to much about Jess. I know that my down mood will make thoughts of Jess extra hard to deal with. I actually made it to the gym but other then that and work, I think I will just stay in tonight and clean my place a bit and maybe watch a movie. I haven't heard from Ekrem since our evening together on Saturday. I saw Marco #1 yesterday after the parade for about 40 minutes. He was actually annoying. He has also been depressed lately and it effects his attitude. I don't feel like going into it all right now but I don't feel like taking his shit and dealing with his issues when I have my own. "Selfish of me," you say? Well, no one gives a shit about me when I'm down and sad and especially when it comes to Jess-no one wants to hear a thing about him. So, I don't feel like faking the Mother Theresa act these days. Let him work at pushing his depression under control when he is out just like I am forced to do. I better go eat. I think I sound really crabby. I just want someone in my life to love. I want to know that there is someone out there who needs me and also who I love and need back. I'll be back later after the movie.