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Friday, April 23, 2010

The Friday Rantings Of A Lunatic!

Went to the gym and I had no energy or drive or motivation or anything.  Why was I even there.  Why? because I need to keep my body looking good, you know the gay thing... you're only as  good and as hot as your body looks.  Nice huh?  That sucks sometimes but its so fucking true.  Hey, I saw Joe at the gym.  Saw him from far away and I guess he didn't see me.  I wasn't going over to him.  I think because I was in this shit mood I told you about and also because I don't want to come off as interested or gay.  So, do you think I have fucking issues?  Long story short, he gave me a super cool wave and then later while I was on the leg machine working on my quads, he gave me a high five and a "seeya later".  That made my day.  Damn is he cute, no... hot!  If I had Joe would I even give a shit about Jess?  I have no idea!  Weird is that I love Jess and I don't know Joe well and obviously don't love him.  I need some affection and love and getting a high five from Joe give me that?  You think? Does that make sense?  I'm weird or maybe just really lonely!

On the Jess situation.  He called and I felt it best not to take his call.  His phone message started out with, "boy, I fucked things up".
Then he got jovial and goofy and started telling me that he has this dinner tonight that starts at 9:30pm and he should be done at about 12:30am (ish).  And would I want to hang out in apartment and wait for him to get home.  Maybe spend the night and do something fun tomorrow.  That all sounds nice and trust me I am chomping the bit to call him back and say yes, yes YES!  But this time around, I have to be cool.  Am I trying to teach him a lesson?  Yes!  Am I trying to regain my self respect and self esteem?  Yes!  Anyway, what kind of dinner is he going to at 9:30pm and it lasts till 12:30am?  Do I care?  Not really!  I'm sure he really is going to a "dinner" but maybe it would be best if he was hooking up and getting laid (something he wants but has never done yet).  I'm so confused!

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