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Wednesday, April 14, 2010


Here is a copy of the email I sent to Jess a few hours ago.  I hope he reads it with an open heart and without a negative attitude.  I tried to be as honest as I knew how.


Got your messages.  I'm not irritated or upset with you.  My thoughts are very clear in my mind, however right now, I am having a hard time putting them into this email. 

I know something is wrong between us.  I make you angry or at the least, I get on your nerves and you can't hold back from letting me know that.  It never used to be that way, quite the contrary actually.  I have been thinking and have come to the conclusion that you are the one who needs the time to decide if I am someone you want in your life and to what degree.  I thought by you downgrading us to "friends" last weekend,  it would have taken the pressure off of you and us, but it doesn't appear so. 

Lately, I've been preoccupied with thinking if I needed to change that aspect of my personality which has always been a "giver" unconditionally to you (and others that I care about).  I thought maybe this is not a good way for me to be.  I've been told by some that it can lead to an unbalanced, unhealthy  relationship.  My conclusion is that I don't really think I want to change who I am, since doing so would be acting against my nature.

Perhaps there is no issue between us or maybe there is an issues that I don't yet know about which is bothering you.  I do however know that for some reason you are easily able to get annoyed, angry or say things that months ago I'd never expect to hear.  I am not perfect as I have said many times.  For the most part you are an amazing person and I care about you more then words can say.  But, at times you appear to have lost your enthusiasm and your positive energy for me.  Maybe that's just the course that your relationships take or maybe that's the course relationships take with everyone.  Or maybe its me, and possibly after all this time you have come to the conclusion that I can be your friend but in smaller, less frequent doses.

So take all the time you need and perhaps on the other side you will decide favorably that I am someone you not just care about but also respect and value for who I am.  Most important, maybe being apart from me will make it clearer for you as to what is going on with you to cause this type of occasional interaction and attitude.  In my gut, it feels like something is going on, and its not good, for either one of us.


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