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Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Sexy Bjorn Is Back In Town, Could Sex Be Next?

So the phone rang.  Jess eventually answered it.  I heard him say, "Bjorn!  how are you?"  So I guess it was Bjorn, I think I have heard that name mentioned by Jess before.  But I really wasn't sure.  I didn't want Jess to think I was listening to his conversation, I wanted him to talk to this Bjorn, but I was curious to say the least.

Jess walked into the other room.  I heard him say, "so you are back in NYC?" and things like, "great, you see, you should never have left NY, this is where you belong".  Right after that, Jess came back over to me and hand gestured that he was going down the hall to put in a load of laundry.  I hand gestured back, OK.  So off he went, phone in hand and Bjorn on the other end of it.

I realized that I left something up on the roof, and it was pretty dark.  I walked out of Jess's apartment and found him down the hall in the laundry room.  I quietly told him that I was headed back to the roof to get something.  He was still talking to Bjorn and he replied back to me, "okay".  As I walked down the hall, I heard him tell Bjorn that he had a friend over tonight for dinner.  A friend?  Well, I guess I am, aren't I?  I also heard him say, "we need to get together, lunch, maybe dinner?"  At that point I got into the elevator and was gone.

When I got back from the roof, literally 7 minutes later, Jess was off the phone.  I walked back into the kitchen and acted as if nothing had happened, and as if everything was cool.  I mean, nothing had happened and everything was cool, wasn't it?

After a few minutes, Jess looked at me and smiled and he said, "are you alright?".  My response was "of course, why wouldn't I be alright?"  He smiled again, and said "Steve, we can talk about this if it bothers you."

After a few minutes of this bullshit we talked about it.  Apparently, Bjorn is a Swiss citizen who works for the government and who Jess met last summer at a party.  They dated, Jess said he really liked him.  They had a brief sexual relationship that didn't have time to develop because three weeks after they met, Bjorn was moving back to Switzerland.  Jess told me that he was disappointed, he liked him a lot but they really never had the time to bond and to get really tight.  I asked Jess, that had he had the time, does he think Bjorn might have become more then just a sexual fling and could it have grown into something serious.  His answer was, "yes it might have" but he said that Bjorn had some issues with relationships and that alone had bothered Jess, even after the brief time of knowing him.  How fucking funny or hypocritical is that?  Jess wasn't happy that Bjorn had issues about relationships and had issues about committing?  Jess!  Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black or whatever that fucking expression is!!

Jess and I discussed this for a bit of time.  I didn't want Jess to know that I was particularly concerned.  Actually, I wanted to be stoic and let him think that I had no concerns at all.  Even with Jess telling me that Bjorn was and is very good looking and that he really liked Bjorn and was disappointed when he moved away, I still tried to act unfazed.  I said to Jess, "are you going to see him"?  Jess replied, "yes, we'll probably have lunch or something".  Interesting is also the fact that Jess met Bjorn only a month before he met me.  Bjorn's moving away never allowed them to see where if anywhere they were headed, as far as a relationship.  Jess kept asking me "are you alright with this"?  My response was the same, "sure, you got to do what you got to do".  Keep in mind that it was just last Thursday, a week ago when Jess told me that he didn't see him and me together as anything more then just friends and that he wanted to date other guys and that exciting sex with someone else is something he needs.  I reminded Jess of this conversation and again, I told him, "you got to do whatever you feel you've got to do".  I  also asked him when the last time he saw Bjorn was?  Has he seen him since Bjorn moved away last summer?  The answer Jess gave me was, yes, that he saw him after that once.  Bjorn was in town, and Jess went to his hotel room and they hung out, had dinner but there was no sex.  I just realized something while writing that last sentence. If Jess and Bjorn met five weeks before Jess and I met, and then Bjorn moved away and then Jess saw him again when he was back in town at Bjorn's hotel room, shit, that was when Jess and I were already together.  I never knew that!!

Anyway, Jess made it seem like he didn't want to have a sexual encounter when he saw Bjorn that last time.  But, after speaking with Jess more about it, his response changed.  Jess told me that he was horny that night and that he wanted to have sex with Bjorn, but Bjorn wasn't into it and that it was because of Bjorn, not Jess that sex never occurred.  Hmmm, so if it was up to Jess, it would have happened!  

This is what I feel is going to happen.   I think Jess will meet Bjorn for some fancy, shmancy dinner, then head back to either Bjorn's place or Jess's place.   As long as Bjorn is in the mood and interested in having sex with Jess, then sex is what will happen!  Will more happen?  I have no idea, I'm not sure if Bjorn is only here for a month or if he is moving back permanently.  Jess didn't tell me that and I didn't ask.  Jess seemed overly concerned that I was deeply effected by this.  I probably am.  But I didn't want to let on that I am.  Jess has to do what he wants.  He has always told me that he has a hard time committing to someone and that he has a hard time having comfortable sex with one man. He has always told me that he needs to play and have the ability to do as he wants sexually.  New sex or different sex is extremely important to him.  All I can say to Jess was repeatedly, "Jess, do as you see fit.  Do what you feel is what you want.  It is what it is".  Jess told me again, that he loves me.  He told me again that I am what he feels that he wants.  He said that I am who he is attracted to now (wow, see how the story changes with Jess, one day he loves and wants me and the week before, I'm not the right person for him).  He also told me that he would probably feel uncomfortable having sex with Bjorn now because of me.  Well... we shall see about all this as the coming days and weeks unfold.  We shall soon see!  Won't we?  Stay tuned for more,  I have plenty to say!

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