Although I am still not able to write and blog the way I want to, I am still here. As you know, I am a fucking mess and trying to survive and ride out my personal storm. Maybe I am just weak to start with or maybe losing Jess was losing the only person who ever loved me. Regardless, my sadness and ache is so strong that it physically hurts and keep me from doing most things. One of those things is sitting here at my keyboard and typing and discussing all that has happened in my life over the past six or so months while I wasn't blogging. A lot of it also is heart-wrenching for me to detail in writing. It's not that I have forgotten a thing - its just that I hate to hear it again as I think it. Hope that makes sense. But, and here is the big but. I will tell everything. I will tell the stories of Jess saying good things about me and Jess hinting that he cares still. I will also tell the stories of Jess's actions that lead me to think he hates me and never plans on communicating with me. Plus I will talk about everything else in my life that has occurred that is not Jess related. I just can't do it now.
What I can do now is toss out a thought that I am reluctantly thinking. I am in NYC. There are many people in and around NYC who are straight, bi and gay/lesbian. They are also suffering with their lives. Be it relationships or anything else. Suffering comes in many different sizes and shapes and colors. I'd love to form a group. Not a whiny, chit-chat group but a group where those can connect with others who feel the same and who are going through struggles in life. A group where they can meet and speak or listen to other who care! We can start with emailing and then escalate to Skype or telephone conversations but ultimately, I would love it to be a group of friends who meet in Manhattan at a coffee shop, park or restaurant. Even if you don't live in NYC or New Jersey or close by, you can be a part of this. We will work it out so that no one is excluded. I am open to suggestions and idea's as to how to do this. I want to do this. I need to do this for me and for all of you who may be feeling as I do. We are not alone. Suffering is the worst thing about life. So let me please know what you all think. I hope to hear from you as either emails or comments. I will post all comments on my blog here so those interested can see how we are progressing. Lets do this. It might be the best thing we've all ever done.
What I can do now is toss out a thought that I am reluctantly thinking. I am in NYC. There are many people in and around NYC who are straight, bi and gay/lesbian. They are also suffering with their lives. Be it relationships or anything else. Suffering comes in many different sizes and shapes and colors. I'd love to form a group. Not a whiny, chit-chat group but a group where those can connect with others who feel the same and who are going through struggles in life. A group where they can meet and speak or listen to other who care! We can start with emailing and then escalate to Skype or telephone conversations but ultimately, I would love it to be a group of friends who meet in Manhattan at a coffee shop, park or restaurant. Even if you don't live in NYC or New Jersey or close by, you can be a part of this. We will work it out so that no one is excluded. I am open to suggestions and idea's as to how to do this. I want to do this. I need to do this for me and for all of you who may be feeling as I do. We are not alone. Suffering is the worst thing about life. So let me please know what you all think. I hope to hear from you as either emails or comments. I will post all comments on my blog here so those interested can see how we are progressing. Lets do this. It might be the best thing we've all ever done.
1 comment:
I've just stumbled across your blog, and spent a good hour reading through some of your posts. Oh honey.
Firstly you need to be told that you too are amazing. Lovable, sweet, brilliant and charming. It seems to me that you need to remember this a lot more often. I've never met you, and yet it's obvious from your blog that you're not remembering that you were a whole person, a complete, lovable, amazing person before Jess came into your life, and you will still be that person when he's left it.
That said, honey, you need to start lifting your head up again. I know you're hurting, and I know things feel lousy and cruddy when you've had one you love shut you out, but come on, dearest. There's still sunrises, and still birds singing, and you're still an amazing man put on this Earth to make people happy, to fulfil a role, to make a difference. Something I know you can do.
I'm nowhere near you in the world, or I'd come over and give you a giant hug; it seems to me you need it. But I can do the next best thing as far as I am able, and that's to tell you that YOU are both wonderful and loved. I wish you love and light and positive feelings and wishes and hope you can still see that the sun is shining upon you and you need no-one else to complete you. You do that just fine on your own.
DW.xxx
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