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Friday, June 17, 2011

Rejection Sucks But It's A Fact Of (Gay) Life.

We have all experienced it at one time or another. We all dislike it. We all try to avoid it. But we all can't stop ourselves from placing ourselves in situations where we may experience it. What is IT? It is rejection. We all have stories (some more than others) about rejection. Here is a rejection blow-by-bl0w (excuse the pun) where I watched it go down (again, excuse the pun) on the streets of NYC. Oh, sure it happens hundreds of times a minute in this city but I got a front row seat to this one, as if I was sitting at the Chelsea Cinema. It occurred the other night as I was walking up 8th Ave here in NYC and I got to the busy 23rd St. intersection. While I was waiting for the light to change so I could cross the street, I noticed a guy riding his bicycle in a circular pattern around that intersection. As he came around again (for the 4th time) I saw and heard that he was on his cell phone. I heard him say (because he was talking in super-loud-mode), "I am at 23rd St., where are you?" Then I heard him say, "You are here too? Okay I see you." The man on the bike was, I guess you would say, hot by NYC Chelsea standards. He was tall, dark and lean and had is ball-cap turned backwards. He looked built, lean and athletic to an extent, yet not overly built. He had that dark, exotic look - perhaps he was Italian, Latin, Middle Eastern or something like that. I'd say he was good looking. I quickly turned my head and saw another man standing at the diagonal corner while talking on his cell phone. In my mind I thought... this is an online hookup happening. I stopped in my tracks and wanted to watch the outcome but I already knew that the bicycle man was not going to like his potential NSA partner. The potential hookup partner standing on the street was very short, balding with glasses and as sorry as I am to say this, quite unremarkable. He reminded me of that ex Olympic figure skater, the one who is bald who unfortunately got cancer - I think testicular cancer. Anyway, I knew the bald, short guy (for lack of a better descriptive term) was going to be rejected by hot, ball-cap, bicycle man. I watched as bicycle man pedaled oh-so-athletically, winding and curving and handling the bike like he was born on it, and stopped at the corner where bald, short guy was waiting. I could see them chatting and was imagining the bicycle man saying, "sorry dude, this isn't working for me." Maybe I was wrong and maybe this hookup was going to happen. Nope, after 30 seconds, I saw bicycle man pull away and ride his bike down 23rd St. with the speed of a man who was motivated to get the hell away. All I could think about was what bald, short man might have been feeling and thinking. His heart must have sunk and his esteem must have hit a low. Although visually he appeared to be just a man walking down the street, but I know in his heart and brain he was semi-crushed and he felt bad, maybe awful. Was he telling himself that he was ugly or short or not good enough? Whatever he was feeling, I'm sure it was a feeling that would either dissipate or disappear and he would be back in the hookup searching saddle again very, very soon. 

We've all done this hookup thing. Some of us more than others. Some of us are good at it and get great results and some don't. It's a fact of gay life, especially if you are single and horny, But still, it made me sad. Not sure why but it made me sad!

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