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Sunday, July 31, 2011

Goodbye Jess... I Will Miss You! I Love You!

Jess is gone. Mary told me that he has finally moved out of his apartment here in NYC and has left. He apparently is headed to DC for a few weeks of classes in preparation for his new job overseas.

Jess has never spoken to me since he wrote me that goodbye email late last July. I have carried a torch for him in the hope that he and I could at the least be in communication with one another or even friends again. He has ignored me completely. Also, insanely as it sounds, he has ignored Mary since last May. She went to his birthday dinner that he gave for himself in the restaurant downtown (where I bought him the 3 bottles of champagne and food) and she got him a great gift. He has never thanked her for it or even spoken to her since. Jess knew that I got him the surprise gift. He also knew that Mary innocently told me that he was throwing the party for himself. My gift was understated and never even mentioned to the other guests that there even was a gift. Jess was quietly told that the gift was from and anonymous friend. I was told by the manager of the restaurant that he smiled and said, "I know who sent it." Of course he knew that Mary would tell me about the big 40th birthday party - of course I was going to ask her, "Is he making a party." And...the day after the party he stopped by her office and ate some of her candy from her candy dish on her desk. He was not ignoring her at that point so that means he couldn't be that upset about receiving $400.00 of champagne discreetly placed on his party table as a gift with no fanfare.  Wait, I am rambling. Let me slow down here. Anyway, I feel awful, because I feel totally responsible for Jess ignoring and cutting Mary out of his life as he did me. She of course is upset about it. She told me that she saw him twice last week, once in the elevator or was it on her floor where she works, and another time she said she saw him last Thursday, perhaps his last day of work, in the lobby of their building where they both work. He was taking pictures with himself and a few of his (and Mary's) associates. She stopped and waited so she wouldn't get in the way of the picture being taken. She thought or maybe hoped he would acknowledge and speak to her. He didn't.

So, Jess is gone. What can I say? Am I sad? Yes! Am I heartbroken that he never spoke with me or even communicated to say goodbye? Yes. Can I do anything about it? No! I will always wonder why, why did he hate me so much. But, most people tell me that he doesn't hate me... that the issue is within him and he is doing to Mary in some form what he had done to me. Jess, I will always love you and be your friend should you ever need me or want me in your life.

To die and part is a less evil; but to part and live, there, there is the torment.  
~George Lansdowne

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